Signs of the Times

Real words, used just so, can make the most hilarious real signs spotted in real places by real people.


On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
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Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
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At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
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Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
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On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
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At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
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In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take
appropriate action."
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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
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At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to
the right place."
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On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
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At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
payment."
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
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At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
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In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed
up."
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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At a Propane Filling Station,
"Tank heaven for little grills."
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At a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."


Scientific evidence of great minds thinking alike: While I was drafting my "Signs," Mike, having no idea what I was doing, passed along some great finds which included this -- yes, you guessed it -- Sign.

Sign on tables in a NYC Chinese restaurant: "Warning: Tips for waitress not privilege off customer, and not optional to do! Is custimarry and IS THE LAW for leave tips, otherwise is possibul to face prostection by law! Please be responsivele, leave tip and no go jail! Have a nice day!"

I'm going to have to hand off custimarry and prostection to Twisted Linguistics for further study.