A Mother's Dictionary
Avast maties! Bucky Neer has plundered some new booty. This treasure came from the coffers of Miss Cellania!
A Mothers' Dictionary
AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
BOTTLE: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 a.m. to do the FEEDING.
DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.
DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
VERBAL: Able to whine in words
WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.
WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
Bucky's Additions
BIB: A protective piece of cloth intended to keep food off a child's clothing that remains clean, unlike the clothes being protected.
BOX: A child's plaything that the unused toy came in.
EYE GLASSES: A dual purpose object with which an adult sees, and a plaything for an infant close enough to grab them.
NO-NO: A word of encouragement that lets a child know it's okay to knock the vase over.
NOT ME: The guilty party responsible for all spilled liquids and broken objects. Related to WHODUNIT.
PASTEURIZE: The distance a stream of pee from a boy travels while you are changing his diaper.
AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
BOTTLE: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 a.m. to do the FEEDING.
DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.
DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
VERBAL: Able to whine in words
WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.
WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
Bucky's Additions
BIB: A protective piece of cloth intended to keep food off a child's clothing that remains clean, unlike the clothes being protected.
BOX: A child's plaything that the unused toy came in.
EYE GLASSES: A dual purpose object with which an adult sees, and a plaything for an infant close enough to grab them.
NO-NO: A word of encouragement that lets a child know it's okay to knock the vase over.
NOT ME: The guilty party responsible for all spilled liquids and broken objects. Related to WHODUNIT.
PASTEURIZE: The distance a stream of pee from a boy travels while you are changing his diaper.
Characters
Bucky Neer
3 comments:
Absolutely priceless! Miss Cellania rules.
Loved them.
Feedback--in our case it was red beets. What a mess. Tee hee
With her resources, I'm sure Miss C.'s contributions will appear often.
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