Syntax Changes Everything

Abigail Van Buren, better known as Dear Abby, herself admitted that she was at a loss to reply to these letters. Proper syntax -- and the right word -- might have made all the difference.

Dear Abby:

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
----------------------------------
Dear Abby:

What can I do about all the sex, nudity, bad language and violence on my VCR?
----------------------------------
Dear Abby:

I have a man I just never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
-----------------------------------
Dear Abby:

I am a twenty-three year old, liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting very expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
------------------------------------
Dear Abby:

I suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
-----------------------------------
Dear Abby:

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
-----------------------------------
Dear Abby:

I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?
------------------------------------
Dear Abby:

My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour, every week, for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
-------------------------------------
Dear Abby:

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until, one night, he came home sober.
--------------------------------------
Dear Abby:

Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't, and he did it.
---------------------------------------
Dear Abby:

My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.
----------------------------------------
Dear Abby:

You told some woman whose husband had lost interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.