This is not the first time that the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius has appeared here at Verbicidal Tendencies. You can see 10 of his witticisms at this post by Serena . Some those may be duplicated here, but why should I confuse us by pointing them out?
I think it is safe to say that nearly everyone is familiar with the sayings of Confucius. When I googled "Confucius" and found the following, I had to scratch my head.
"To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; those five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness."
It had to be a mistake. So I thought I'd try another one.
"In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of."
There could only be one answer. Some clown had posted these as a joke. They were Pseudo-Confucius sayings. The Confucius we all know and love would never have made such ludicrous statements. He spoke for the common people, like you and I, not for lawyers and politicians. He wrote stuff we would want to include in our blogs, not a bunch of gibberish like those two examples above.
....So I went surfing again. Finally, after first reading a few, I found the real stuff. The following are really what
Confucius says ....
© Man who fart in church, sit in own pew.
© Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give upright organ.
© Man who walk through airport turnstyle sideways, going to Bangkok.
© Man who read woman like book, prefer Braille.
© Man who put cream in tart, not always baker.
© Man who pull out too fast, leave rubber behind.
© Man kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
© Man who take woman on camping trip, have one intent.
© Man with athletic finger, make broad jump.
© Man with hands in pockets feel foolish, but man with holes in pockets feel nuts.
© Man who masturbates in front of cash register, come into money.
© Man who lose key to woman's apartment, not get new key.
© Man who bounce woman on bedsprings this spring, have offspring next spring.
© Man who date woman with no bust, has right to feel low down.
© Woman who wear Wonderbra, make mountains out of mole hills.
© Woman who sit on judges lap, get honorable discharge.
© Woman who fly airplane upside down have crack up.
© Wife who put husband in dog house, soon find him in cat house.
© Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot, is unsanitary.
© Girl who is wall flower at party, is dandelion in bed.
© Virgin like balloon, one prick ... all gone.
© If woman wish to find old man in dark, not hard.
© Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
© Is good to learn to masturbate, may someday come in handy.
© It takes many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.
© Roses on piano nice, but better is tulips on organ.
© All men eat, bu Fu Manchu.
© Baseball all wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.