Cuzzin Clem's Compliments Collection

Cuzzin Clem here.

Howdy do, y'all what be readin' this here Blog. When I wuz a youngin' goin' to school and after I done dropped out of the sixth grade when I turned twenty-three, people wuz always sayin' nice things about me. It got to the point where I couldn't recolleck all theys wuz a-sayin' bout me. Well one day I took to write down all them compliments they wuz a shovelin'.

Today I done writ down some of my favor-rites for Serena and Hale and they says they would post 'em right here. I ain't none too sure how theys gonna accomplish that without a stickin' some postage stamps on the list though. I reckon theys know whut theys a-doin'.

Gw'on, check 'em out.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

As smart as bait.

Chimney's clogged.

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

Doesn't know much, bot leads the league in nostril hair.

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

Forgot to pay his brain bill.

His sewing machine's out of thread.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

He has less going on upstairs than a one story house.

Several nuts short of a full pouch.

Skylight leaks a little.

Slinky's kinked.

Surfing in Nebraska.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

Dumber than a box of hair.

A few peas short of a casserole.

Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box.

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

One taco short of a combination plate.

A few feathers short of a whole duck.

All foam, no beer.

The cheese slid off his cracker.

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

24 cents short of a quarter.

A few bricks shy of a full load.

I bet none of y'all been getting so many nice compliments as me!



Serena Joy said...

LMAO! I can honestly say I've never received such unusual compliments.:-)

Hale McKay said...

Yes, but that's a good thing.