10/23/2007

A Mostly Ghostly Post, Lee.

'Tis the haunting season,
And for no other reason,
You should be prepared
You are gonna be scared



One dark night two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

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Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and
asks them what they'll have. ?

The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive."
The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative."
The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma."
The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells,

"Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"


10 Signs You Are Too Old For Halloween

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. 6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Minnesota Ghost

This happened about a month ago just outside of Willmar, a little town
in the back country of Minnesota, and while it sounds like an Alfred
Hitchcock tale, it's real.

This out-of-state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a
real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and
no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in
front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and
appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him
and stopped.

Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door;
only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no
sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.

Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared
to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was
approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started
to pray and began begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would
go off the road and into a nearby lake and he would drown!

But just before the curve, a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's
window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the
car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared
through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again!

Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they
reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could
take and jumped out of the car and ran and ran, into town, into Willmar.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two
shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience.
A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the
guy was telling the truth (and was not just some drunk).

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to
the other, "Look Ole, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we wuz
pushin it in the rain."

GHOST SEX

There was a seminar on "Psychic Phenomena" going on, when the speaker decided to involve the audience. He first asked, "Everyone who has ever seen a ghost, please stand up." Well, nearly the entire audience stood up.

He then asked, "Everyone who has ever had a close encounter with a ghost, please remain standing." About 2 dozen people were still standing.

He then asked how many people had been in the same room as a ghost and 6 people stood up.

Finally he asked, "Anyone who has ever had SEX with a ghost, please remain standing." Everyone sat down except this one man.

When the speaker demanded if he had REALLY had sex with a ghost, the guy replied, "Oh, I am very sorry, I thought you said GOATS."

No.80

3 comments:

Serena Joy said...

Funny stuff, Mike, and a perfect Halloween post. I loved that last joke. Goats. LOL!

Hale McKay said...

It's an old Irish joke actually. If told verbally by someone either with or can speak in an Irish brogue, it's especially funny.

Badabing said...

Now this is really spooky. I was making my blog rounds today and somehow got the idea to post that 'ghost' joke...it's always been one of my favorites. Then, what happens...you've beaten me to it. Very spooky no?

Hell, maybe I'll post it too.