1/31/2008

Mating Season for Malapropisms



In my daily travels around the Worldwide Web, I stumble across innumerable spelling eccentricities, malapropisms, and garbled grammar. When I saw this grouping of weirdly spelled words, I saw a weird (because I guess it takes one to know one) gestalt in it and thought, "Why not write a totally mucked-up story with them?" So that's what I did.

The Words

load noises coming from the house
incomprehensable
oppertunity
wharehouses
thrusted upon us
definately

The Story

Once upon a time, a group of neighbors began complaining to City Hall about load noises coming from the house on the corner, to no avail. They knew from the heavy traffic in and out that someone must definately be having some kind of great oppertunity, but it was incomprehensable to them just what was going on. Until -- until one of the neighbor men worked up the courage to knock on the door one night and find out.

When he came back out, his naturally curious wife asked him what he had seen. She also questioned him about why he looked so drained and wrung out.

"You don't want to know, dear," he answered.

"Oh, yes, I do," she said. "Tell me what's going on in there!"

"Well, darling," he said reluctantly, "it turns out they're stockpiling ladies of the evening in there. It's a bordello."

"What?!" the wife cried.

"It's true. It's de wharehouse of de fina ladies thrusted upon us."

"No!" the wife exclaimed incredulously.

"I'm afraid so," the man said. "And some of them are pert zombies and vampire hookers -- wharewhores -- some of them with prehensable tails and fangs. They have wharewolves guarding the doors, too. The fact is, they've thrusted upon us men enough to accrue for themselves the incom to buy sable and defina jewels and a load of silk and satin and electronics."

"What?! How many times have you been there?"

"Only at every oppertunity, I assure you."

"Well, I never!" the wife demurred, blushing.

"I know," said the husband. "Neither do your girlfriends, which is why the wharehos stay so busy. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the ATM. There's this real cutie in there with blonde hair and no fangs and I'd like to opper."

Whereupon the wife thrusted her purse upside his head and clubbed him inately to def.

~The End

2 comments:

Hale McKay said...

LOL - Good job putting those together in a story.

Serena Joy said...

Glad you got a chuckle out of it, Mike.