2/25/2008

Basket Weavers Hotline

(I'm still feeling a little under the weather and as such this post is a duplicate of the post at my other site.)

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU


Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the
line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.

Under no circumstances should you press the number 8. I SAID UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO PRESS THE NUMBER 8!
Since you cannot follow instructions our specially trained personnel are now on the way to your house with a pretty little jacket for you to wear.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

Well, my job is done .....Your turn

(Thanks, Earl. I hope you weren't trying to tell me something.)

No.124

5 comments:

Jack K. said...

So you have doubled the opportunity to reach us. You rascal you.

Get better, please.

Serena Joy said...

I wonder if there are different ring tones for all of The Voices?:)

How are you feeling? Better, I hope.

Hale McKay said...

I'm feeling better, SJ. It's been slow progress, but the doctor's are being especially watchful of my condition.

I'm hopeful of being able to return to work next week.

Serena Joy said...

That's great, Mike. Just be careful and don't go back to work too soon.

Hale McKay said...

Nope. Not a chance. I'm leaving everything in the doctor's hands. If says no work - so be it. If he says okay - then Hi-ho-hi-ho offf to work I go.