Foxworthy on West Virginia

Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about West Virginians...

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in West Virginia .

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in West Virginia .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in West Virginia .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in West Virginia .

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Charleston for the Weekend, you may live in West Virginia .

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in West Virginia.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in West Virginia .

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in West Virginia .

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in West Virginia .

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in West Virginia .

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in West Virginia .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in West Virginia .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in West Virginia .

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in West Virginia .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in West Virginia .

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in West Virginia .

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in West Virginia .

From Jeff's Dickshunary

Armageddon - putting oneself in position for action. ("If it gets any crazier around here, Armageddon outta here.")

aspect - having one's backside assaulted by a sharp object. ("He got done skinny-dippin'and passed out on the deck chair and had his aspect by a woodpecker.")

chauffeur - a refereence to a performance. ("There's nekkid girls inside, boys, and I can get you into the chauffeur just two dollars.")

condom - having purposefully swindled a gullible male for personal gain. ("She condom into thinkin' she was on the pill.")

direction - the engorgement of the male sex organ. ("Doc, could you give my Hank here a sample of those little blue pills? Direction ain't what it used to be.")

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