Malapropisms With Moxie

I love malapropisms. They always make me smile, and the more blatant they are, the bigger the smile.

- He had to use a fire distinguisher.
- Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.
- Isn't that an expensive pendulum round that man's neck?
- Good punctuation means not to be late.
- He's a wolf in cheap clothing.
- Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel.
- My sister has extra-century perception.
- "Don't" is a contraption.

Some malapropisms heard out of the mouths of the famous and not-so-famous:

"Your ambition - is that right - is to abseil across the English channel?"
-Cilla Black

"It is beyond my apprehension."
-Danny Ozark, baseball team manager

"Listen to the blabbing brook."
-Norm Crosby

"This is unparalyzed in the state's history."
-Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House

"She's really tough; she's remorseful."
-David Moorcroft

"And then he [Mike Tyson] will have only channel vision."
-Frank Bruno, boxer

"Cardial - as in cardial arrest."
-Eve Pollard

"Marie Scott... has really plummeted to the top."
-Alan Weeks

"He's going up and down like a metronome."
-Ron Pickering

"He's on 90... 10 away from that mythical figure."
-Trevor Bailey, cricket commentator

"Unless somebody can pull a miracle out of the fire, Somerset are cruising into the semi-final."
-Fred Trueman

"We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile."
-George W. Bush

"The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder."
-Richard Daley, former Chicago mayor

"He was a man of great statue."
-Thomas Menino, Boston mayor

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
-Dan Quayle, Vice President

"Well, that was a cliff-dweller."
-Wes Westrum, about a close baseball game

"If Gower had stopped that [cricket ball] he would have decapitated his hand."
-Farokh Engineer

"We seem to have unleased a hornet's nest."
-Valerie Singleton

"This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through."
-Trevor Bailey, cricket commentator

"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
-Mike Smith, ordering a salad at a restaurant

"It's got lots of installation."
-Mike Smith, describing his new coat