Boyfriend Version 1

Dear Technical Support,

I am writing to express my deep dissatisfaction with your Companion for Women series of programs. While Boyfriend Ver1 was quite lovely, having flowers delivered, sending sweet emails, subsequent versions were increasingly less useful. Each version would install numerous additional sub-programs that I could not disable. I’m not entirely sure what the ‘Night Out With the Boys’ program does, only that while it was running the Boyfriend program seemed to disappear from my system. If I tried to uninstall NOWB I would get a Smothering error message.

I was told that would all be fixed in the latest version, Husband, but I have found this version riddled with even more problems then the Boyfriend series. The Flatulence audio bug is particularly annoying.

The regular email alerts no longer contain compliments and declarations of love. Instead they complain about the figures in the Quicken budget and criticized the frequency of my online shopping purchases. I also keep finding links to diet and plastic surgery websites that I did not add in my bookmarks folder. That is particularly amusing since I’ve needed to upgrade my RAM several times to compensate for Husband’s ever expanding consumption of resources.

The calendaring functionality is completely broken as the Anniversary, Birthday and other special occasion features have ceased to function at all. The Handyman program functions sporadically, only working for one Saturday out of a month. If I’m lucky. I’ve just given up on the Romance packet. And don’t get me started on the Bedroom Peripheral. Functions for about five minutes then just dies and refuses to function again for several days.

The program is also quite susceptible to viruses. The Buddies Worm has destroyed my operating system, particularly the Living Room Suite. Some second party program called ‘Poker Night’ installed itself, consuming even more of my resources and littering my system with vulgar .txt files while the tower discharges this noxious smoke.

Any attempts to modify the Husband program have been met with administrative error messages berating me for being too controlling. In fact, the Husband program has taking over most of my operating system, bogging it down with constant requests, especially ‘file not found’ errors. The program just can’t seem to keep track of anything for itself. Honestly, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to re-establish file paths for it.

It’s gotten to the point where it’s absolute misery to log into my computer. I come home found work (followed by a series of necessary errands) only to be meet by a long list of requests from my Husband program as if I have nothing better to do then meet it’s needs when I log in.

I suspect the only solution will be to wipe the hard drive and reinstall my operating system. I don’t really need your help as I’ve purchased the Divorce Lawyer uninstaller program and it promises to both remove all traces of Husband from my operating system while recovering most of my resources.

No.145