5/29/2008

Dog Gone It - Too Much Water!


A Dog Named Mace

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard when he dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard.

The next morning, the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench, glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened, he looked up to the heavens and sang out proudly:

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"


Talking Dog

A young farm lad from Tennessee goes off to college, but about 1/3 ofthe way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at the University of Tennessee that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 waythrough the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -
they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked,
'So, is your daddy still messin'around with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a b*#@ before he talks toyour Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

(The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.......)


DID YOU KNOW ??

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water
each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of
Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. Body waste.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop. (2.2 pounds)

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey,
beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling or filtering and/or fermenting.

WATER = Poop

WINE = HEALTH

Conclusion: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water
and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.

I am doing it as a public service.



No.153

2 comments:

Serena Joy said...

I am sooooo late to the party, but I'm (slowly but surely) getting caught up. And I'm so glad I finally made it to this one, because now I have the giggles and it feels sooooo good.:)

Hale McKay said...

giggles 'n bits ... giggles 'n bits ...

Okay, it's kibbles - but giggles works too.