The Punny Side - The Return of the Pun

(Pun - a play on words, also called Paronomasia)

A good pun is its own reword.

At one time I had a part time job as a Security Guard. When I first tried on my uniform - a pair of very baggy pants with a loud red stripe running down the leg - I was mildly horrified. But my wife was philosophical, and said:

"It's okay, honey. You're just a victim of circus pants.

A friend of mine was having problems with her laptop. "It's driving me crazy," she said. "The A,E and I keys are sticking."
I diagnosed her problem and said:

"Your computer is suffering from irritable vowel syndrome."

Two girls were talking at the bar one night. I couldn't help but overhear their conversation. The one next to me said "Can you believe it? I still haven't got my pictures back from my vacation."
To which I leaned in her direction and said,

"Don't worry, dear. Someday your prints will come."

Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused pain-killers during a root canal?

"He wanted to transcend dental medication."

When I read in the news that a man had jumped off a bridge in Paris, I thought:

"That man's in Seine."

What's with all those chicken-crossing-the-road jokes anyway?

"If you ask me, it's poultry in motion."

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you:

"A-flat minor"

Evidence has been found that legendary archer William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were destroyed in a fire. Thus, to this day we'll never now

"For whom the Tells bowled. "

Stand-up Comics' Lines

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. - ( Emo Philips )

Michael Jackson is the spokesperson for people who cut off their noses to spite their faces. - ( Dennis Miller )

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts. - ( Jeff Foxworthy )

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. - ( Joan Rivers )

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice. - ( Bill Cosby )

Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - ( George Carlin )

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