The Reaver Jordan

My post for today doesn't follow to the letter the general theme of Verbicidal Tendencies by employing wordplay. Part allegory, this parody is a satire using puns based on the familiar Bible story. It is one of my favorite posts. I hope you enjoy it.


This was all there was after leading his people for 40 years? His company was about to cross over into a new era, a so-called Promised Land, but he wouldn't be there to lead them.

He felt under-appreciated at that moment. It seemed that the Board of Directors had forgotten how instrumental he'd been during that hostile take-over attempt by Pharoah Enterprises two years before.

His personal crusade to thwart the merger had left Pharoah wondering if they'd been infected with a plague. The financial strain of the buy-out eventually caused PE to go belly up. Their creditors swarmed over the liquid assets like a swarm of locusts. Moses always liked to say that the waters of economy parted and swallowed them.

Then there was that smelly EAU mess. Not unlike any large company, Moses did not welcome the advances of the Egypt Association Union. Since he was management, Moses had to rely upon his employees to do the right thing when it came to the question of unionization.

Before he'd been elevated to the position of manager of the Accounting Department, Aaron had served as the liaison between the Union and management. Inspite of the warnings that the employees would be left in a wilderness, the EAU just sort of wafted away after failing to gain acceptance.

Moses sighed deeply as he looked around the scene. Howard Lott, the head of Human Resources, was screaming at some unfortunate employee because there were no plates or napkins. Lott was an angry man anyway. He'd been so ever since his wife had been assaulted at a Christmas party last year. It would be his last good deed for the company, he thought as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. It would take him a half hour or so to make the round trip to the store.

On the way, he passed Mr. Jordan, the Chairman of the Board. They each gave the other a cursory nod and proceeded on their separate ways. Moses and Jordan did not get along. Jordan had been in a position to reap substantial financial rewards had the merger with Pharoah been consumated. Due in part to his greed, Moses considered him a thief, and as such often referred to him as the "Reaver Jordan.'

Because of Moses' work to prevent the merger, Jordan had never forgotten it. In fact, it was Jordan who had pushed all the right buttons to bring about Moses' forced retirement. Of course, there was that other matter, when Jordan had tried to hire his own son to fill a high profile postion in the company. It was Moses who reminded the higher-ups of the 'no nepotism' policy. As such Jordan's attempt to hire his first born was killed.

He contemplated all that had been and what could have been on his return to the offices. In two bags he carried with him the paper plates, plastic utensils, napkins, and yes, of course, the ten condiments.

It was ironic that he'd never see the promised lands of the company's future, all because he'd chosen to cross the Reaver Jordan!

(This allegorical parody is from the Jun '06 archives of It Occurred To Me .)

No.21