Y'allbonics

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington, designating Southern slang, or Y'allbonics, as a language to be taught in Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary.

1. HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.

2. HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

3. BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

4. JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and took it toLanner."

5. BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayam.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

6. MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

7. THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

8. BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

9. IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

10. RANCH - (noun) - tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

11. ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

12. FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

13. TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

14. TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

15. RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

16. FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

17. RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

18. CHEER - (adverb) In this place.
Usage: "Just set that bare rat cheer."

19. FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

20. DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

21. ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas containing oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"

22. BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

23. JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

24. HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah .... haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

25. SEED -(verb) - past tense of "to see".
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City."

26. VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

27. GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert.