Say What?

I love malapropisms, and we have a fun selection of them to play with today.

* He had to use a fire distinguisher.
* Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.
* Isn't that an expensive pendulum round that man's neck?
* Good punctuation means not to be late.
* He's a wolf in cheap clothing.
* Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel.
* My sister has extra-century perception.
* "Don't" is a contraption.


President Bush is a veritable fount of malapropisms, also known as Bushisms:

"Oftentimes, we live in a processed world, you know, people focus on the process and not results."

"The law I sign today directs new funds... to the task of collecting vital intelligence... on weapons of mass production."

"It will take time to restore chaos and order."

"They have miscalculated me as a leader."

"Natural gas is hemispheric... because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods."

"I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well."

"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption."

"We are making steadfast progress."


Malapropisms Uttered By Famous People:

"It is beyond my apprehension."
Danny Ozark, baseball team manager

"Listen to the blabbing brook."
Norm Crosby

"This is unparalyzed in the state's history."
Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House

"She's really tough; she's remorseful."
David Moorcroft

"Cardial - as in cardial arrest."
Eve Pollard

"He's going up and down like a metronome."
Ron Pickering

"He's on 90... 10 away from that mythical figure."
Trevor Bailey, cricket commentator

"Unless somebody can pull a miracle out of the fire, Somerset are cruising into the semi-final."
Fred Trueman

"We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile."
George W. Bush

"The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder."
Richard Daley, former Chicago mayor

"He was a man of great statue."
Thomas Menino, Boston mayor

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
Dan Quayle, Vice President

"Well, that was a cliff-dweller."
Wes Westrum, about a close baseball game

"If Gower had stopped that [cricket ball] he would have decapitated his hand."
Farokh Engineer

"We seem to have unleased a hornet's nest."
Valerie Singleton

"This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through."
Trevor Bailey, cricket commentator

"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
Mike Smith, ordering a salad at a restaurant

"It's got lots of installation."
Mike Smith, describing his new coat

Musical Malapropisms:

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy."
("Excuse me while I kiss the sky."
Purple Haze, Jimi Hendrix)

"There's a bathroom on the right."
("There's a bad moon on the rise."
Bad Moon Rising, Creedence Clearwater)

"The girl with colitis goes by."
("The girl with kaleidoscope eyes."
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, The Beatles)

"Crimean River."
("Cry Me a River."
Cry Me a River, Julie London)

"Bring me an iron lung."
("Bring me a higher love."
Higher Love, Steve Winwood)

"Mama don't take my clothes 'n' throw 'em away."
("Mama don't take my Kodachrome away."
Kodachrome, Paul Simon)

"You make the best homemade stew around."
("You make the best of what's still around."
When The World Is Running Down, The Police)



"Very close veins."
("Varicose veins.")

"Paper View TV."
("Pay-per-view TV.")