7/19/2007

Cletus Clyde's Redneck Computer Terms

Hi y'all! I'm Cletus Clyde and you're not! (Hyuk-hyuk!) I reckons that since I knows bushels full of knowledge 'bout computers and such, I shud up and learns y'all some of it. 'Tain't none too fair that I shud knows it and not nary a one of y'all.
....I figures that the best place to start is at the beginnin' and not at the end, coz then the lesson wud be over. At the beginnin' of any lesson is the terms and what in tarnation they mean.
....Since most of y'all cain't read none too fast like, I'm gonna type them real slow like, so's y'all can keep up.


BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern.
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick.
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps.
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
DEGAUSS - To siphon gas.
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers.
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer.
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS.
GAMEROOM - A pool hall.
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
HARD DRIVE - What a truck is with no gas.
HARDWARE - Store what sells tools.
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
JAVASCRIPT - Writin' on a coffee can.
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
LOG ON - What you need to keep fire goin'.
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers.
MICROCHIPS - Crumbs left in bottom of the bag.
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
MS DOS - Mr. Dos' daughter.
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
PORN - Rainin' real hard.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
SOFTWARE - Clean underwear.
SPELL CHECKER - A book with a lot of words in it.
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear.
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker.

No.47

2 comments:

Serena Joy said...

That's snorting Coke out the nose good, Mike. LMAO!

Hale McKay said...

I just knew you would get a kick out of those, Serena.