Ups & Downs: the Stock Market

With the stock market in the news, here is a brief guide to todays

"Helium was up"
"Feathers were down"
"Beef steered into a bull market"
"Paper was stationary"
"Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading"
"Pencils lost a few points"
"Hiking equipment was trailing"
"Elevators rose"
"Escalators continued their slow decline"
"Weights were up in heavy trading"
"Light switches were off"
"Mining equipment hit rock bottom"
"Watches moved a few ticks"
"Freezers remained frozen at a new low"
"Shipping lines stayed at an even keel"
"The market for raisins dried up"
"Trading in pickle futures soured"
"Coca Cola fizzled"
"Caterpillar stock inched up a bit"
"Balloon prices were inflated"
"Scott Tissue touched a new bottom"
"Knives were up sharply"
"Sun stocks peaked at midday"
"Rubber bounced back"

and the best one ...

"Diapers remain unchanged".

Have a Happy 4th of July: On your fourth, may you find a fifth under the seat and a sixpack in the back.



r.e.wolf said...


Serena Joy said...

Oooo! You are GOOD.:-)

Hale McKay said...

I guess those 20 years working in the Stock Market weren't for naught.