A Year In The Life Of...

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(Insert the name of your favorite Pop Tart)

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Duh. Bottles won't fit in typewriter!

March - Got excited -- finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months. Box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours -- power went out!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid -- 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

June - Tried to go water skiing -- couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition. Learned later other swimmers cheated -- they used their arms!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm -- car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C"... isn't it?

October - Hate M &Ms -- they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4-1/2 days -- instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December - Couldn't call 911 -- duh, there's no "eleven" button on the phone!


Hale McKay said...

I hope someday you'll demonstrate your ability to swim the breast stroke without using your arms. I think you'll have a captive audience.

Great stuff! THankas for the laughas.

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Mike. It could be a long wait since I can barely swim.:-)

Charles said...

I tried one of those breast stroke swimming competitions, the difficulty is the girls slap a guy after catching the girls.

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Charles. You have to be very careful with those swimmer girls.:)

Hale McKay said...

What I want to know, Charles, do they slap you with their hands?

Charles said...

Since it was a total fabrication on my part to bring a smile, I have to say with an unequivocal, maybe.