12/31/2007

Mike's Madcap Mergers

If you are familiar with the business world, my twenty years in the stock market qualifies me, you have probably heard of "spin-offs." (No, not TV spin-offs.) If you haven't, a "spin-off" is simply a new company formed from the holdings of a larger company. Many times these are the result of mergers.

So it is, I will attempt to name some spin-off companies that might not make it to the Standard & Poors or Dow Jones indices.

Abercrombie & Ditch - The successful clothing company will try its hand at the landscaping and gardening industry. The company will specialize in tools for the home gardeners and do-it-yourself landscapers, as well as create a line of chic gardening apparel.

Best Fry - The large electronics company will attempt to make a niche for itself in the fried foods industry.

Arm & Needle - The Baking Soda giant will test the lucrative waters of the pharmaceutical industry when it opens the doors to a syringe manufacturing plant.

Merrill Lynch Pierce Fenner Smith & Wesson - The huge Securities firm will take over the gun company and spin-off its own weapons plant.

Bed Bath and Beyonce - Bed Bath and Beyond will spin-off a company that caters to musicians and singers.

Naked Fish & More - The seafood restaurant franchises will add live adult entertainment. Gives a new meaning to their "Get Naked" ads.

Greasy Jiffy Lube - The mechanics will dance and sing as they give customers a lube job. Jiffy Lube decides to go retro with memorabilia from the mive and play, Grease.

Smith Barney Fife - Another Securities firm will dabble in the restaurant world, with its establishments decorated with Barney Fife pictures from the Andy Griffith Show. It isn't Mayberry, but they are hoping fans of Barney and the show will frequent this nostalgic bar and grill.

Goldman Sachs of Fifth Avenue - This Securities corporation will trade in fashionable clothing and goods.

Pan American Bandstand - Dick Clark and the Airline will team up with guest musical acts at 35 thousand feet. "Captain, how would you rate the last song?"

Boon Dockers - The popular clothing line creates Dockers for the Rednecks. There will be his and hers bib overalls, flannel shirts, union suits and a wide variety of tee-shirts with a southern flavor.

International House of Roadcakes - The chain, famous for pancakes and breakfast fares, jumps into the culinary world of road kill.

Burger King Cobra - The fast-food burger chain will add baskets containing a cobra. Kids can try to charm the snake and win a free Kids Meal.

Re-TJ-Maxx - The Real Estate giant ventures into the retail market with up-scale products that will necessitate you taking out a mortgage.

Micro-Angel Soft - The software giant takes over the toilet tissue company. Their product is sure to come in handy when customers discover the prices of software upgrades and Tech fees.

No.105

1 comment:

Serena Joy said...

LOL! I don't know how you do it (I know my brain turned to mush a long time ago) but I love it.:-)