1/24/2008

Don't Bob For Apples in a Fry-alator!


It never fails to amaze me when I read the instructions and warning notices that come with practically everything we buy. Of course, you have to browse the things to find the applicable language. It seems that quality has taken a back seat to safety. Just who is being protected by all those warning notices anyway? If you ask me, they are for the protection of the manufacturers against lawsuits over misuse of the products.

For several years our clothing and most textile products have been tagged with cleaning instructions. Health protocol these days give us a measure of the contents of food products. I'd be remiss not to mention the sometimes onerous instructions for any number of electronic gadgets. Thus, I am not surprised by all these precautions after thinking about it.

I guess I could offer no better advice than: "Don't bob for apples in a fry-a-lator." (Besides, I'm using the apple-bobbin' tub to take that monthly bath - whether I need it or not.)

That advice is a little over the top, I agree. However, in this day and age, do we really need to be told not to put a hair dryer, radios, heaters and other electrical devices into a bathtub full of water? Must we read in an operator's manual not to put our heads in an oven? You know, it never dawned on me that it might be harmful to stick my fingers under a running lawn mower. Makes note to self: self, be sure to clear snow away from the tail pipe before starting the car. I think I can remember my parents telling me to be careful before stepping onto the ice of a frozen pond. They must have forgotten to tell me not to drive a snowmobile onto the same ice. This may come as a shock to you, but I actually figured that one out by myself.


I wonder why there is such a dumbing down of the American people. I suppose there are a lot of people who think common sense is that large jar in the hall in which everyone puts their loose change. Are we less educated these days? I would suggest that perhaps the influx of immigrants from under developed countries contributed in some way. But I don't think that is the answer, after all the multi-language instructions on the products would take care of ignorance of usage.

A solution to the problem of product misuse is not forthcoming. It is looked at as if it were a disease, and the treatments are being delayed pending research. You'd think they would have developed some kind of placebo at least.

I'm going to grab the bull by the horns. If the powers that be cannot cure the plague, then I must insist that they kindly step aside and let Dr. Pointmeister operate. I suggest inoculation. Yes, a mass vaccination will do the trick. There will be no need for syringes and wonder drugs. You won't need orally ingested capsules. In fact, the rest of you doctors and nurses, please take a seat. Have your note pads and pens at the ready.

I am going to initiate an extensive testing program. That's right, tests will become mandatory. When a customer goes shopping, that is the study period. When they go through check out at the register and before the item is rung up, you will be given a test on the spot. Pass it, and you own the item. Flunk it, you cannot purchase the item. There will be no exceptions. Notes from doctors would not be accepted. Not being able to speak English won't fly here. The tests will be available in all languages.

Think of the domino effect this would have caused almost overnight. There'd be no lawsuits aimed at manufacturers. There would be far less insurance claims. There would be fewer emergency operations at hospitals. There would be no disfiguring facial burns from deep fat fryers.


I will have to deal with a bout of anxiety though, because it will take a few weeks before I receive my Nobel Prize.

No.113

2 comments:

Serena Joy said...

Enjoy your Nobel prize. Just be sure and read the warning label first. Funny, funny post!:)

Hale McKay said...

LOL! Thank you, SJ.