The Guide to Women's Hormones

Women will understand this. Men should memorize it.

Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker, or significant other.

Things to Say. Or not.

DANGEROUS:

"What’s for dinner?"
"Are you wearing that?"
"What are you so worked up about?"
"Should you be eating that?"
"What did you DO all day?"

SAFER:

"Can I help you with dinner?"
"Wow, you sure look good in brown!"
"Could we be overreacting?"
"You know, there are a lot of apples left."
"I hope you didn’t over-do it today."

SAFEST:

"Where would you like to go for dinner?"
"WOW! Look at you!"
"Here’s my paycheck."
"Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?"
"I’ve always loved you in that robe."

ULTRA SAFE:

"Here, have some wine."
"Here, have some wine."
"Here, have some wine."
"Here, have some wine."
"Here! Have some WINE!"

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pithy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly, Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff

and my personal favorite:

13. Potential Murder Suspect

And always remember: Money talks but Chocolate SINGS !!