3/12/2008

Latrinalia: Gratuitous Graffiti

Some crap collected from the sewers of the Internet.

Restroom Proverbs

Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
--Women's restroom,
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away.
--Perkins Library,
Duke University, Durham, NC

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?"
it's "Hi, how are you?"

--Rest stop off Route 81,
West Virginia

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
--The Bayou,
Baton Rouge, LA

It's hard to make a comeback
when you haven't been anywhere.

--Written in the dust on the back of a bus,
Wickenburg, AZ

Make love, not war.
-Hell, do both
GET MARRIED!

--Women's restroom,
The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
-Revolution Books,
New York, New York.

Express Lane: Five beers or less
-Sign over one of the urinals,
Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ

You're too good for him.
--Sign over mirror in Women's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA.

No wonder you always go home alone.
--Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA

Don't waste your money, this gum tastes like rubber.
--Written on condom vending machine
in a ladies restroom
------------------------------------------

Actual graffiti in the Microsoft bathroom

1. Bill Gates Downloads Here

2. Do Not Flush Mouse Pads Down The Toilet

3. To Flush, Press Handle. You Do Not Need To Hold Control, Alt, And
Delete At The Same Time.

4. For a good time, e-mail SUZIE@ohmygod/Im/about/tohave/an.org

5. Why can't Bill Gates get a date? Because he is MICROSOFT

6. MICROSOFT: Where Do You Want To Go Today? ... in the crapper!

7. Microsoft Speelchecker Rules!

8. Your mother is so fat, it takes 25 minutes to download a naked
picture of her.

9. THE BASIC PROGRAM:
10: Enter
20: Lower Pants
30: Try Real Hard
40: If Nothing, Then goto 30
50: If something, Them goto 60
60: Wipe Butt
70: Exit

10. Ray has a 3 1/2 inch floppy! -Carl
Carl still plays with his Wang! -Ray
Yeah, well you both still program in DOS -Fred
Byte Me! -Ray & Carl

11. IBM we all BM
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The following has nothing to with graffiti, but it does involve a bathroom.

A Punny Scary Story

One Dark and Stormy Night

Late one dark and stormy night a man was walking home alone when he hears a.......

BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP... behind him.

Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him

BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ...

faster...
faster...

BUMP...
BUMP....
BUMP.

He runs up to his door,umbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ...

clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...

on the heels of the terrified man.... Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. .

With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams and reaches for something heavy, anything ... his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of ROBITUSSIN.

Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as hard as he can at the apparition,

and...

the coffin stops.

Should we FLUSH that one?

No.129

3 comments:

Skunkfeathers said...

From the baffroom "ewwww" files (occasionally but not always graffiti-related):

A feller in Elmer Fudd attire approached me at woik for assistance yesterday morn: seems he believed he had "flushed mah wallet down the dunny". There wuz more to the story, 'cuz on approach, five patrons in his wake fainted, and one ceiling support column shuddered, along with six dead plants and a fly that did a kamikaze dive into the door, attempting to escape.

Apparently, Elmer's first mission fell short of the recepticle. Including on Elmer.

Maintenance staff were notified, donned combat gear for a biological environment, and led off by tossing in a Lysol grenade, followed by charging in with their spritz guns, attempting to drive the olfactory beast back from the near frontier of patrondom. In a pitched battle, the restroom was reclaimed from the leviathan that stalked the stalls. Alas, the wallet was not found.

Elmer was sent home to detoxify.

And this is how my work day started? Yep...but truly, having no where but improved to go from that, it did.

But I had my own graffiti to add to the collection as a result: people are overrated. Uh-huh.

Hale McKay said...

Poor Elmer Fudd, having to go through all that is necessary to replace the irreplaceable from one's wallets.

He probably had that Trojan in there for years.

Serena Joy said...

How extraordinary that I never knew what fun bathroom humor is!:-)