3/13/2008

More Reasons for Chicken Road-Crossings

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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a
government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by your tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it: the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't this interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

6 comments:

Bilbo said...

CIA - We can neither confirm nor deny that the chicken crossed the road.

NSA - If the chicken crossed the road, we'd have heard about it.

Hale McKay said...

Ah some new ones I hadn't seen before. Very good.

Here's my attempt to create some new ones. (I don't think I heard them before.

RICHARD M. NIXON
When it crossed the road, I didn't take it. I am not a crook!

BILL CLINTON
I never had sexual relations with that chicken!

BOB DYLAN
Why did the chicken cross the road? The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind.

YODA (Jedi Master)
Seduced by the dark side of the force it was.

STEVEN HAWKING
The chicken crossed the road because of the gravitational forces of a massive black hole, from which nothing can escape, not even light or a chicken.

Serena Joy said...

Good ones, Bilbo. LOL. Lord only knows what Homeland Security would have to say about it.:)

Great additions, Mike. You could get a whole post out of that.:)

Skunkfeathers said...

NTSB: FOWL! Where was the chicken's helmet and blaze orange vest?

Serena Joy said...

LOL, SF.:D

Chimera said...

STEPHEN HARPER: The correct wording of that question is, "Why did Canada's New Chicken cross the road?" Read the memo and return a signed copy of it to my office in one hour or you're out of caucus!