4/01/2008

Vocablary Builder V- Pre-April Fools Edition

The Hero of the Hyperbole,
the Sultan of the Synonym,
the Oracle of Onomatopoeia,
the Viceroy of the Verb.
He's back! That fine-feathered Skunk, aka Skunkfeathers, has let his fingers go walking through the dictionary again. Is no dictionary safe?

This time, the jokes on him, for his Pre-April's Fool Edition is actually being posted on April Fools Day!


Ah, the rapidly-approaching April First. The sound of remote-controlled fart machines in the air. Saran Wrap on toilets. Whatever other deviltry can be conceived of.

As for me, I just thought I'd put together another one of them so-called vocabulary builders, to further enhance reader lexicology.

That's, I say, that's an April Fools' joke there, son.


Classmate:
- sex education gone way too far
- coffee creamer for the well-to-do
- fellow class member

Copulate:
- lexicological edification of syntax, cruciverbally-speaking
- see previous word, first choice
- criticism of police for arriving after the crime

Depressor:
- instructor who really bums out students
- a nerve that lowers blood pressure
- when she says "not on your life!" at the end of a date

Dildo:
- what pickle bread is made from
- why she says "not on your life!" in previous choice; she gots one and don't need you...
- an extinct bird

Furl:
- to fold up
- to puke a hairball
- Earl's half-wit brother

Haiku:
- Japanese meaning "pound sand-san"
- Japanese meaning "yeah, what Miss Piggy said when she thumped someone"
- Japanese meaning "three line poem of 17 syllables, like....
I think I pass gas
Everybody runs away
it must really stink

Kumquat:
- town in Iraq
- an orange-like fruit
- a well-stimulated quat will, I'm sure...

Misanthrope:
- doesn't have a neck
- person who hates people
- debutante with a 'tude

News flash:
- teleprompter catches fire
- Katy Couric's latest try to boost ratings on the CBS Nightly Nudes...
- single item of important news...to someone...maybe...

Oblique:
- a single guy's chances with a Catholic nun
- declining from the horizontal or vertical
- economic forecast in Ireland

Phantasm:
- something illusionary
- spirit sex
- elephant orgasm

Rebut:
- refute or disprove
- replacement, since the original one didn't fit in them jeans...
- frog meaning...whatever it means to a frog

Satin:
- Redneck meaning "sumpin ah dun satin..."
- a fabric
- Redneck meaning "that Loocifur feller the Rev rags about"

Tetanus:
- Sick video game
- bacterial disease
- Far East New Year celebration of someone's butt

Unitard:
- one piece leotard
- a tard that's good anywhere
- Redneck meaning "we's all tard hyar..."

Wampum:
- to kick the snarf out of
- Indian casino motto
- beads made from shells and strung together

Yahweh:
- Hebrew name for God in the Old Testament
- giving directions...badly
- response when someone says "no way"

Verb sap:
- Latin meaning "sticky substance that oozes from a verb in season"
- Latin meaning "one word's enough"
- Latin meaning "used to beat unruly syntax into line"

Xylocarp:
- hard, woody fruit
- a musical fish
- a foreigner complaining about a hard woody

Zoonosis:
- disease seen in zoo monkeys that causes them to throw their sh..dung
- German meaning "ja, du know mine zister?"
- disease transmitted to humans from animals

Recall:
- something Hillary rarely can
- summon to return
- ruin everything

Pylon:
- one of them robot things in Battlestar Galactica
- structure supporting an aircraft engine
- what the media frequently does without getting facts straight

Difficult:
- hard to do
- what South Park does to Scientology at every opportunity
- a culture of diffidence

Cruet:
- to enforce conscription for a sailing ship
- small container for oil or vinegar
- "screw it" said with a speech impediment

Crowbar:
- place to get raven drunk (ducking boos and throwd items)
- iron bar used as a lever
- aviary musical scale

Defer:
- Redneck meaning "defer taint worth nuthin' hyar"
- postpone
- not to a mink's liking

Claustrophobia:
- a fear of contracts
- a fear of Christmas shopping
- a fear of confining places

Granted, it IS almost April 1st, so I probably didn't mean some of this, did I?

7 comments:

Hale McKay said...

Two thumbs up, oh Great Oracle!

Skunkfeathers said...

Please tell me that I'm not like that oracle in Star Trek (TOS) that Capt. Kirk -- in one of the (un)great overacting demos on network TV -- is pounding on, yelling.."I am Kirok! I am Kirok!".

That would be so wrong ;)

Bilbo said...

And here I always thought "copulate" referred to sex between police officers. Of course, the addition of one "t" yields "copulatte," the beverage of choice for modern police officers.

Hale McKay said...

Ah Skunk,

I didn't even think of that Star Trek episode.

I was thinking more on the lines of Delphi - you know that Frat House in that Belushi movie - Delphi House.

Hale McKay said...

Bilbo,

Copulatte - I like that one. Very good.

Serena Joy said...

My compliments to the MASTER of Words Gone Wild for another fabulous edition!:-)

Skunkfeathers said...

Awww, shucks, Serena...thank ye, but ya make me think I'm gonna fall short in VI and VII ;) Some woids is just hard ta define, like pseudoinclinationaladdapusrexinfadoodlerism.

It might be a petrified hotdog or prairie dog flatulence, but I'm not sure...