Fractured Etymology of Medical Terms

It seems that the mischievous Blue Troll, aka Azurian, has got a hold of the latest edition of a medical dictionary and performed some serious surgery on the entries found therein.

Be very afraid if you see this issue of a medical dictionary in your doctor's office.


Alkaline: Baseball player who played for the Detroit Tigers.

Artery: The study of paintings.

Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.

Barium: What doctors do when patients die.

Benign: What you be after you be eight.

Cardioplasty: The act of paying with American Express.

Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome.

Cat scan: Searching for kitty.

Cauterize: (1) Made eye contact with her. (2) To recite lines from "Welcome Back, Kotter."

Chemo: A poplular style of pants.

Colic: A sheep dog.

Coma: A punctuation mark.

Concussion: Bad language from an inmate.

Cranium: A museum for construction equipment.

D & C: Where Washington is.

Dilate: To live long.

Enema: Not a friend.

Fester: (1) Quicker than someone else. (2) Addams Family uncle.

Fibula: A small lie.

Flat Line: Road kill on a safari route.

Fibrillate: A lie explaining why one is tardy.

Genital: Non-Jewish person.

G. I. Series: World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.

Impotent: Distinguished, well known.

Keratosis: Allergy to rabbit food.

Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.

Lumbar: (1) Wood cut from fallen trees. (2) Actress loved by actor Gable.

Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.

Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.

Node: Was aware of.

Outpatient: A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.

Paralyze: Not one but two falsehoods.

Parasites: Choice of two places to meet.

Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative: A letter carrier.

Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.

Rectum: Darn near killed him.

Secretion: Hiding something.

Seizure: Roman emperor.

Tablet: A small table.

Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor: More than one.

Urine: Opposite of you're out.

Varicose: Nearby, close by.

Vein: Conceited.



Skunkfeathers said...

Wahl, the blue troll dun shot my medical version of VB to horsefeathers ;)

Serena Joy said...

I think I just busted a gut laughing. Is there a doctor in the house?:)

Hale McKay said...

No way, Skunk

I'm sure it's not identical!

Fire away by all means.

Hale McKay said...


Try typing while you're laughing!


Serena Joy said...

I've tried that on occasion. The results aren't pretty.:-)