Fractured Etymology of Medical Terms

It seems that the mischievous Blue Troll, aka Azurian, has got a hold of the latest edition of a medical dictionary and performed some serious surgery on the entries found therein.

Be very afraid if you see this issue of a medical dictionary in your doctor's office.

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Alkaline: Baseball player who played for the Detroit Tigers.

Artery: The study of paintings.

Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.

Barium: What doctors do when patients die.

Benign: What you be after you be eight.

Cardioplasty: The act of paying with American Express.

Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome.

Cat scan: Searching for kitty.

Cauterize: (1) Made eye contact with her. (2) To recite lines from "Welcome Back, Kotter."

Chemo: A poplular style of pants.

Colic: A sheep dog.

Coma: A punctuation mark.

Concussion: Bad language from an inmate.

Cranium: A museum for construction equipment.

D & C: Where Washington is.

Dilate: To live long.

Enema: Not a friend.

Fester: (1) Quicker than someone else. (2) Addams Family uncle.

Fibula: A small lie.

Flat Line: Road kill on a safari route.

Fibrillate: A lie explaining why one is tardy.

Genital: Non-Jewish person.

G. I. Series: World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.

Impotent: Distinguished, well known.

Keratosis: Allergy to rabbit food.

Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.

Lumbar: (1) Wood cut from fallen trees. (2) Actress loved by actor Gable.

Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.

Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.

Node: Was aware of.

Outpatient: A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.

Paralyze: Not one but two falsehoods.

Parasites: Choice of two places to meet.

Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative: A letter carrier.

Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.

Rectum: Darn near killed him.

Secretion: Hiding something.

Seizure: Roman emperor.

Tablet: A small table.

Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor: More than one.

Urine: Opposite of you're out.

Varicose: Nearby, close by.

Vein: Conceited.

No.150