7/18/2008

Top Ten Top Ten Lists

I don't know if they are really the top 10 of the top ten lists, but you gotta admit there are ten of them below.

10- Top Ten Ways To Get Rid of a Telemarketer


10..Yea, I could use a credit card,I just filed for bankruptcy.
9...What are you wearing right now?
8...Im wearing....(Add Lib)
7...How do you spell your name, your company name, any kids...etc...
6...OMG I haven't seen you since highschool, (Go on and on)
5...(Screaming) Oh My God I have to go and hang up.....
4...What? What????? I can't hear you.
3...Can you speak very slowly, I have to write it all down....
2...Can you fax this to me? (Give a fake number)
1...Hey, I'm under house arrest, could you bring me some beer?


9- Top Ten Blonde Inventions


10..The water-proof towel
9...Solar powered flashlight
8...Submarine screen door
7...A book on how to read
6...Inflatable dart board
5...A dictionary index
4...Ejector seat in a helicopter.
5...Powdered water
2...Pedal-powered wheel chair
1...Water-proof tea bag


8- Top Ten Ways to Tell Your HMO is Going Bankrupt


10..Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
9...Directions to your doctors office include, Take a left when you enter the trailer park.
8...Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
7...Only proctologist in the plan is Gus from Roto-Rooter.
6...Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is an apple a day.
5...Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
4...Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges is not a typo.
3...The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
2...With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little m's on them.
1...When you ask for Viagra, you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.


7- Top Ten Funniest Email Adresses


10..Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) - eatonsht@dku.edu
9...Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) - cumminme@fu.edu
8...George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) -blowmegd@dropdrawers.com
7...Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) -dickinme@iup.edu
6...Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) -kissinfk@lvu.edu
5...Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home decorating)- beeranbj@myplace.com
4...Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) - aspicker@pu.edu
3...Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) -ibballin@bsu.edu
2...Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division,Overton Canada) - btkisser@bendover.com
1...Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys R Us) - ihadcock@tru.co


6- Top Ten Ways To Tell You Are Fat


10..You dance and make the band skip.
9...You go bungee jumping and go straight to hell.
8...You go to the zoo and elephants throw you peanuts.
7...Your drivers liscense says Picture continued on other side.
6...You go to a restaraunt and insted of amenu ,you get an estimate.
5...You have to use a boomerang to put a belt on.
4...Your family portrait has stretch marks.
3...People have to take three trains and abus ride to get on your good side.
2...Your nickname is HOLY $HIT.
1...You get runs in your jeans.


5- Top Ten Things Men Shouldn't Yell In Victorias Secret


10..Does this come in childrens sizes?
9...No thanks, just sniffing.
8...I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7...Mom will love this.
6...Oh, the size won't matter. Shes inflatable.
5...No need to wrap it up. Ill eat it here.
4...Will you model this for me???
3...The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace.
2...45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway.
1... Oh, honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that.


4- Top Ten Reasons Why Sex Is Better Than School


10... Everybody likes sex and nobody likes school,except for virgins and only because they haven't had sex yet.
9.... Sex sucks. moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc... School just sucks.
8.... After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel like smoking something a whole hell of a lot stronger.
7.... You only get disciplined during sex if you want to.
6.... Drinking drives people to sex, where as school drives people to drink.
5....Sex relieves stress. School is the cause of stress.
4.... Nothing beats the hands on experience you get with sex.
3.... After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.
2.... Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still cheaper than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.
And the Number 1 reason why sex is better than school is........
1.... At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex. At school your teachers screw you regardless.


3- Top Ten Not To Say When You Get Pulled Over


10... Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
9.... Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
8.... You're not gonna check the trunk are you?
7.... I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
6.... I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
5.... Officer says, 'Son, Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?' You respond with, 'Officer, your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating donuts?'
4.... Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job.
3.... Gee, Officer That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning too.
2.... Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
l.... I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.


2- Top Ten things A Man Would Never Say


10.... I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
9..... While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8..... I think hairy butts are realy sexy.
7..... Her tits are just too big.
6..... Sometimes I just want to be held.
5..... That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
4..... Sure, Id love to wear a condom.
3..... We haven't been to the mall in ages. Lets go shopping and I can hold your purse.
2....Fuck Monday Night Football, lets watch Murphy Brown.
1.....I think we're lost. We'd better pull over and ask for directions.


1- Top Ten things A Woman Would Never Say


10.... Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
9..... Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that way.
8..... I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7..... Hey, get a whiff of that one.
6..... Please don't throw that old T-shirt away. The holes in the armpit are just too cute.
5..... This diamond is way too big.
4..... I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
3..... Wow, it really is 14 inches.
2..... Does this make my butt look too small?
1..... I'm wrong. You must be right again.

No.174

2 comments:

Serena Joy said...

GREAT lists! Thanks for the laughs.:-)

Hale McKay said...

And to think that with a little spacing and more graphics - I could have made this ten separate posts!