Insider's Guide to Common Male Vocabulary - Part III
"You expect too much from me."
Translation: You want me to stay awake?
"That's women's work."
Translation: It's difficult, dirty and thankless.
"You know how bad my memory is."
Translation: I remember the theme song to "Rocky V," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself; it's no big deal."
Translation: I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.
"I do help around the house."
Translation: I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Translation: I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon.
"I can't find it."
Translation: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.
"What did I do this time?"
Translation: What did you catch me doing?
"I heard you."
Translation: I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.
"You look terrific."
Translation: Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.
"I missed you."
Translation: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry, and we are out of toilet paper.
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Translation: I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again.
"We share the housework."
Translation: I make the messes, you clean them up.
"This relationship is getting too serious."
Translation: You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck.
"I don't need to read the instructions."
Translation: I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help.