Male Talk - Part II

Insider's Guide to Common Male Vocabulary - Part II

How do I compare with all your other boyfriends? = Is my penis really that small?

I had a wonderful time last night. = Who the hell are you?

Do you love me? = I've done something stupid and you might find out.

Do you "really" love me? = I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later.

How much do you love me? = I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now.

I have something to tell you. = Get tested.

I'll give you a call. = I would rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.

I've been thinking a lot. = You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.

I think we should just be friends. = You're ugly.

I've learned a lot from you. = Next!

"Can I help with dinner?"
Translation: Why isn't it already on the table?

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Translation: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Translation: I have no idea how it works.

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Translation: The batteries in the remote are dead.

"We're going to be late."
Translation: Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.

"Take a break, honey. You're working too hard."
Translation: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

'That's interesting, dear."
Translation: Are you still talking?

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Translation: I forgot our anniversary again.



Jack K. said...

I loved the one about conditioned response. LMAO as usual.

Skunkfeathers said...

I get asked how I've managed to stay a bachelor all these years; one guaranteed way is to tell the woman of the moment that "you're almost as good as your sister".
They get so mad, half of them don't stop to recall that they don't have a sister...