Cletus Clyde's Science Test

Howdy! Cletus Clyde here. I decided I want to be a Scientist. So I up and took this here Science test. I think I done purty darn good. What do think? Am I the next Steven Hawking or what?

1. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
2. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
3. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
4. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
5. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
6. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
7. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
8. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know that you're talking about.
9. Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
10. A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
11. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
12. The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
13. English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
14. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
15. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
16. The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
17. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
18. It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
19. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
20. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
21. For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
22. For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
23. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
24. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
25. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
26. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
27. Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
28. When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
29. When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Maw and Paw think that since I'm goin' to be a Scientist and all, I should try "Nuculear Physics." But I decided I didn't want to go drinkin' no radioactive prune juice.



Jack K. said...

Wow!! I am now ekwipped to moove in2 the werld and do good.

Queenie said...

Hahahah, Number 22, really got me.

Hale McKay said...

No. 27 about the polarity of magnets got me. Glad you got a laugh, Queenie.

Jack, I think yew shirley are.

Serena Joy said...

Science will never be the same. LOL! I loved the whole test, Mike.:-)