25 Signs You've Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes any more.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM!

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.


Jack K. said...

Let's see now:

#2, sex is just about out of the question anywhere.

#8, when you're semi-retired, all year can be a vacation. Sometimes you even go places.

#10, those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the %&@# stereo.

#11, you're the older relative telling sex jokes to your adult kids.

#12, and you don't give a damn, either.

#16, your new nap time is from noon to 12:30.

#20, you discover that some of the $4.00 bottles of wine are pretty good, despite what you read in Wine Spectator.

#23, much of your computer time is spent reading/writing blog entries.

#25, read the above.


Great post as usual.

Serena Joy said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Jack.:-)

Scary Monster said...



Hale McKay said...

That settles it! I'm not a kid anymore!

Serena Joy said...

Kinda stings, huh, Scary?:)

Sadly, neither am I, Mike.:)

Badabing said...

Great post...you definitely hit the spot with 22 and 24...but I forget, what does S-E-X mean again?

doctor chip said...


sad, but, ALL true, methinks.

Jesus C****t, was that ME who called the COPS the other day because my parking space was violated at my apartment? (insert STRESS joke HERE).

old. old. OLD!!!

oh, fuck ME.


BTW, Serena, the first one was the best...

"Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them"

hooooh- HAH!!!!!




Serena Joy said...

I can't remember, either, Badabing. I need to take a crash course.:)

I'm afraid they probably are all true, Doctor Chip. Sad, indeed. Makes me want to go smoke the fig tree but, hell, it's fake.:)

NYD said...

Lurking just doesnt't cut it this time. This was one funny post! Serena.

Although I don't get to hear music in elevators, I do get it in shopping malls.

Serena Joy said...

Thanks, NYD. It's good to see you out and about.:)