Haikus By and For Cats

Note: I didn't write these and can't take credit for them. Rather, they were passed along to me in one of those ubiquitous "forward" e-mails.

The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.
----
So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle's closer.
----
There's no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don't tell you where.
----
Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.
----
Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.
----
Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow's taken.
----
Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I've lost interest.
----
The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.
----
My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?
----
Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.
----
My affection is conditional.
Don't stand up,
It's your lap I love.
----
Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.
----
I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.
----
So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier." I call
These my "blades of death."
----
Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.