The Language of Women

Or, The Handy-Dandy Primer For Translating Women's English

Myspace Layouts

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

We need = I want

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

I'm not upset = Of course, I'm upset, you moron!

Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

You're so ... manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like


Hale McKay said...

Any advice we men can get to understand women is always helpful.

Serena Joy said...

And vice versa. Why the heck do they say one thing and mean another? Or freakin' say it when they don't mean it? Grrrrr.

Hale McKay said...

He said - She said - the eternal battle - and ne'er shall the twain meet.

Serena Joy said...

and ne'er shall the twain meet.

Apparently not. It would certainly help d├ętente, however, if some guys would just cease lying through their teeth. Grrrr.