The Language of Women
Or, The Handy-Dandy Primer For Translating Women's English
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
I'm not upset = Of course, I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You're so ... manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like
4 comments:
Any advice we men can get to understand women is always helpful.
And vice versa. Why the heck do they say one thing and mean another? Or freakin' say it when they don't mean it? Grrrrr.
He said - She said - the eternal battle - and ne'er shall the twain meet.
and ne'er shall the twain meet.
Apparently not. It would certainly help détente, however, if some guys would just cease lying through their teeth. Grrrr.
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